Hi, I don’t know you right now and I don’t know how we’re going to end up together, but I want to apologize for things I couldn’t be able to explain because I’m a shitty explainer.
First of all, and you probably know this already, a guy I really loved dumped me and i’m a wreck. I’m broken, and scared, and i’m trying hard to be strong for me. To wake up each morning feeling like i’ve just woken up from a failed boxing match and i’m still trying to get used to it. Fighting the urge to cry every time I remember how much I loved him because i’m trying to forget and i’m trying to convince myself that i am strong.
You have to know few things about me before you let me fall for you. Because I need you to be sure about me. If you think you could just screw me and go, well think twice. You don’t need to put so much effort if you just want to screw around. Don’t break my heart. I need consistency. I don’t want you waking up the next morning feeling different.
I’m with my family. I don’t like my dad but I love him to the moon and back. My mother is the best human being I know. My mother and my father both have anger management problems. I grew up with them screaming and fighting each other a lot, and i think my brothers and I absorbed that because we scream at each other a lot too. But we love each other and I grew up to be a pretty okay person.
I won’t care what you look like. Appearance may catch my eye but i’ll fall in love with your personality. I’ll fall inlove at how independent and in control you could be. I’ll fall inlove with your beliefs and outlook in life. I’ll fall inlove at how much you love and care for your family. I’ll fall for your sense of humor and how hard you’ll make me laugh. I’ll fall inlove at how much you’ll like me, and make me feel special and loved. Once I do fall in love with you, i won’t care about anything else. I’ll give you everything there is I have that I could give.
I could talk to other boys and laugh with them sometimes, but understand that they could never hold the same interest I have for you. Sometimes I’ll like to see how jealous you’ll get, because it’ll make me feel how much you don’t want to loose me. But i do have plenty of guy friends. Its brotherly love.
I’ll never want to have to tell you this but I would want to be around you always. I’ll want to hold your hand and have your arms wrapped around me. I’ll want good morning and goodnight texts, phone calls, and sweet notes. It makes me feel special, you see. It makes me feel loved. I’m sorry if it would annoy you, you can always talk to me about it and I swear I’ll be understanding too. I will never demand anything from you. I won’t ask you to spend money on me. And i’ll appreciate everything you could do for me and I won’t expect a thing.
I love reading novels, and i love listening to Ed Sheeran. I love movies, and i really really really really like kissing. I love my friends so much, they mean the world to me. I’m lazy, i eat a lot, i constantly have mood swings, i’m poor at deciding, poor at math, i don’t like science, i could staring at space for hours while eating squash seeds, i love Japanese food, i hate noodles and raisins, i would kill for chocolates. I do not like short terms relationships. Tell me what you want to achieve in this relationship and we’ll compromise. But i do not like short term relationships. I will hate you forever if you break up with me just after a year. I could go on forever but I’d want you to discover the rest for yourself. I’d want you to still love me even then.
You have to understand that right now, i’m in the process of moving on. I might fool around and have a few meaningless flings with boys (and girls probably). As of now I don’t believe that you exist. I’m having a hard time trusting boys. And I think that every man who tries to hit on me are jerks, no, i think every man is a jerk and is incapable of love. I’m sorry if his offends you. I’m still learning, i’m still building myself back up, carving myself for you.
Dated September 15, 2014
*has my feelings surgically removed*
I’ll break your heart like it’s nothing. Like you’re nothing.
Kiss me again